DEAR Dominic and Lily,
I don’t usually offer unasked-for advice but the question everyone is asking about you two is, “What were they thinking?”
The answer, of course, is you weren’t. You were both in one of the most thrilling and ecstatic conditions known to man – utterly consumed by lust.
But you two are not single and fancy-free.
You, Dominic, have a wife, Catherine, and four young children with her. She reportedly had no idea your marriage was in trouble. You’re both putting a brave face on it for now but I hope you feel ashamed of breaking her heart and humiliating her this way.
Catherine’s smiles in the posed-up photos outside your cottage look very forced and the note you left on the wall, insisting that “our marriage is strong and we are very much still together” – glosses over your wandering desires.
Is this all about PR rather than genuine togetherness?
How do you think your children felt seeing those photos of you and Lily? They must be churning inside. They will never forget this day.
Don’t underestimate how lust can distort your thinking, making you believe you have finally met your soulmate, when in reality you could wake from the spell and realise all you have thrown away for a fantasy. I hear just about every day from people – men and women – who have done just that.
Life with Lily wouldn’t be like one long sexy Roman Holiday.
You would have to deal with your guilt over how badly you have hurt Catherine and you would have four unhappy and confused children to try to justify yourself to and maintain contact with. This is likely to impact them for years to come.
Maybe your relationship with Catherine has been subject to the usual pressures of family life.
Maybe your sex life together hasn’t been as wild, urgent and frequent recently as you’d like, but the fizzing passion of a new relationship always has to be reframed into a quieter but often deeper sexual fulfilment.
I’m always a bit impatient with celebrities who claim sex addiction and check into a clinic when they have been caught cheating, but the very qualities that draw people into a life in the spotlight are often those that make them yearn for the adrenalin buzz of fresh lust and be extra needy of the adulation of a new lover.
You don’t necessarily need a clinic to gain more control over your damaging and self-destructive behaviour but you will need a good therapist to help you take the lust-goggles off, make responsible and lasting decisions, and hopefully refresh your relationship with Catherine.
Get in touch with Deidre today
Got a problem?
Lily, at this stage you can’t know what Dominic is going to decide. Maybe he’s told you that you two are going to be together once he’s sorted things out at home, but I can’t tell you how many women have told me about falling for that promise and then discovering that they are left stranded.
You are so beautiful you can have your pick and really should have been able to see the big “Danger, stay away,” signs around any married man, even one as seductive as Dominic.
You both need to do some grown-up thinking. Forget how much you fancy each other and look at the reality of how a life together would work out.
Maybe you still have to work together but at least take a big step back and not see each other in private for a while to allow your blood to stop racing and your brain to wake up.
Think of Catherine and the children. Do the decent thing and walk away altogether.
If you feel caught up in a love triangle too, my leaflets Cheating – Can You Get Over It?, Find It Hard To Be Faithful? and Your Lover Not Free? can help you. Email: email@example.com.
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